Special Delivery: My Birth Story
October 27, 2014
Tonight, as I lay my little one down with a full tummy from his first middle of the night feeding, I can’t seem to keep myself from staring at this tiny miracle from heaven and reflecting on these past two weeks- they really have been like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. Although a lot of it has been hard work and exhausting, I truly have felt so much of God’s grace carrying me through.
I have reached a deeper revelation of my life verse, Philippians 4:13, for sure! I didn’t know how much I would stand on that scripture as I entered this new season of motherhood, especially in the delivery room.
Wow, the delivery room…
…that is a place and time I truly will never forget.
Not only because it was where I got to gaze into my son’s eyes for the first time, but because the Lord used that place and time to strengthen, heal, and restore three very important relationships in my life. I had planned on sharing the experience of the birth of our first child only with my husband, but like so many other times before in my life, God had other plans.
My husband was an amazing coach and was by my side for the first 15 of the 25 hours of labor alone with me. Because many hours had passed after my water breaking (I was sleeping at home when it happened in the middle of the night), the Dr informed us that I risked infection the longer I didn’t enter into hard, active labor. After my husband and I prayed, although we truly did not want any artificial intervention, we took the advice of the Dr to start on a small dosage of Pitocin. We wanted what would be best for our baby and wanted him to be safe.
Although I knew it would be difficult, I laid hold of my conviction to deliver my son naturally without an epidural. The pain was extremely intense, yet I kept Philippians 4:13, the name of Jesus, and my heavenly prayer language on my lips at all times. I knew that I did not have to endure this experience alone. God especially reminded me of that with the compassion and encouragement of my husband the entire time and then even more so when I heard my mom come into the room.
To be completely honest, my mom and I’s relationship wasn’t where it once was many years ago, but I’m here to testify that God did some major healing and restoration that day! I talk in more detail in my book, Yielded in His Hands (eLectio Publishing, February 2015), but to put it simply, I reached a point because of so much hurt, disappointment, and rejection from so many people in my life that I told myself that I couldn’t rely on anyone any longer, especially my mom.
Of course I loved her, but I kept her at an arm’s length away because I didn’t want to risk being hurt once again. I was a big girl now, I didn’t need my mom. But in that delivery room, although I had no idea, I needed my mom.
I remember looking up at her and crying out to her- even calling her “mommy” at one point, which I NEVER called her that before in my life. I truly believe it came from my spirit and the deep recesses of my heart. Having my mom there in that room, massaging my back, encouraging me, and holding my hand was one of the most special moments I have ever experienced with her in my entire life. I am so thankful for it and will treasure it forever. (Thank you, mom…I love you a bushel and peck and a hug around the neck!)
As the hours went by, another person who I struggled to fully embrace entered the room- my mother-in-law. Our relationship had become very surface-level over the last few years because of the same reasons as my mom and I’s relationship- I feared rejection and disappointment and put up walls around my heart, loving at a distance. She never stopped loving me and never stopped praying for me, even in that delivery room. I am so thankful for her prayers throughout the whole laboring process and so thankful for our now restored and renewed relationship.
I find it so absolutely beautiful that God would take such a physically painful experience and make something so wonderful and life-changing in so many ways for me. I saw years that the enemy had stolen from me be restored to me in an instant and God is healing and restoring even more still.
I thought that the birth of my son would be the only miracle I would witness that day, but God had so much more in store for me. I thought that day would be about me becoming a mother, but God had so much more in store for me as I got my mother and mother-in-law back that day. His love completely overwhelms my heart!
So now every time I look at my son, and I think about how much I love him and how I would do anything to give him all that he needs, I am reminded of how much God loves me and cares about all aspects of my life. I am able to pour out that same love without hindrance to all that He places in my life. I am forever grateful, Lord!