by Emily Rose Massey
(photo courtesy: http://kmlv.org)
With a theatre and dance degree in my back pocket, trying my best to ignore the questions from fellow classmates, I had just recently chose to not move to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career. God was moving in my life in a mighty way, and I was learning to truly listen to Him for the first time in my life. Although I had become born-again when I was 16, I never fully surrendered my entire life to the Lord; it was a long six years of tug-of-war for it. Thankfully, after college loosened its grip around my focus, my eyes had been opened to my selfishness, and I was back on the right path into the arms of the Father and His will for me.
I sat there on my bed, Bible cracked open, listening to my new favorite Bible teacher, and trusting that my days of unemployment were soon ending. It had been almost nine months since graduating college, and I still had no prospects of a job, let alone any direction as to what I was supposed to do for a living.
After the teaching had ended, I remember hearing the announcer list the details of where their ministry was located. I had no idea that this very influential, world-wide ministry was a mere 45 minute drive from where I lived! Suddenly, a desire rose in my heart that would stay with me for the next four years.
“Lord, I don’t know if you would ever use me in ministry because of the past that I have lived, but if I become a serious student of your Word and learn to walk faithfully with you, I would love to someday work for this ministry,” I prayed.
Of course the enemy then gave me a long laundry-list of all the reasons that I would never be good enough to work in full-time ministry:
- In an adulterous relationship with a married man at age 18
- Lost virginity at 19 to someone who you were not married to
- Had well over 10 sexual partners throughout college
- Future alcoholic
- Full of pride…
“Shut up, devil!”
Although the enemy’s laundry-list was factual, the truth was that I was a new creation in Christ Jesus and God was not done with me yet!
For the next four years, I would under-go what I like to call my “process on the Potter’s wheel.” Like a potter prepares the clay to become a vessel to be used, I learned how to yield myself to God the Potter’s hands. It was painful and extremely uncomfortable, but looking back, it was so worth it, and still is, because I know God will never be done working on my heart. I, by no means, have arrived as a Christian.
But I have arrived as an employee of that world-wide ministry!
God heard the cry as I sat on my bed that morning during my unemployment days and all of the other prayers that I declared in the season where He sharpened me while working in a medical office for four long years. He divinely positioned me in the ministry that had impacted my faith-walk, especially when I was taking my first baby steps as an obedient Christ-follower.
And after only a little over a year here, He has asked me to lay it down to take on another role in His Kingdom…
I could begin to ask why He would give me a desire of my heart (and His heart) that I had believed to happen for so long, and then so quickly ask me to end the season.
But I know that the Bible tells us that “Obedience is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22).
I know that I am not the only woman who has faced making the decision between their career and motherhood. I also know that not every woman’s situation is like mine. Ultimately, you need to be obedient to what the Lord is calling YOU to do.
Yes, leaving a job that you worked so hard to obtain may feel like sacrifice, but that isn’t what God is after.
He’s after your will being in-line with His. He’s after you seeking first His Kingdom and all of His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).
When weighing options regarding big decisions, there is a level of trusting God, even when things don’t make a lot of sense to our human minds. We are not to lean upon on our own understanding, according to Proverbs 3:5.
In regards to not returning to work after the birth of our little boy, I needed to lean on God’s wisdom. I also needed to ultimately be lead with peace and not make the decision based upon what was logical or definitely not make the decision out of fear.
2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind” (NKJV).
My husband and I spent a lot of time in prayer about the decision that was before us and clearly heard the Lord tell us that He wanted me to stay at home and raise our son. Despite our unanswered questions, immediately, we were surrounded by God’s peace as well as His joy, which is our constant strength.
We still understand that this next season will involve a lot of trust, but God has always proved Himself faithful time and time again. He hears our prayers, no matter how big or how small.
All He asks is that we not only trust Him, but obey His Kingdom ways.
As a mom-to-be, I am looking forward to instilling this lesson into my son and passing on these Kingdom lessons to a new generation.
Whatever decisions you are faced with right now, know that God will give you direction. Even if you have to lay down a desire He gave you in the first place, and transition to another Kingdom assignment, you will never be disappointed when you know that you are exactly in the middle of His will for you.